>>it shouldn’t make people treat you really differently, or cause you to have a wildly different experience in life.
I am surprised by the above comment. As you made the case in your essay, a woman who is conventionally hot has a very different experience than a woman who is beautiful to her adoring husband. I'm not sure what you mean by it "shouldn't" make people treat you differently or "cause" you to have wildly different experience in life. Obviously it just does, the same way that I as a very short person have a wildly different life experience than someone who is very tall.
Another question I have is about your use of the word "unattractive" in the sentence "But it feels like if I were to describe myself (neutrally) as unattractive, people would pity me, or want to reassure me, or feel uncomfortable, or something."
You later on state in the essay: "People’s aesthetic and sexual preferences vary a LOT. Whatever you look like, someone out there will be super into you physically. And lots of people are capable of being attracted to or charmed by non-physical features"
To me that is the definition of attractive. That one can attract sexual interest. So personally I would hedge the word attractive in some way. Like it seems I can understand the sentence the same way had you said "if I were to describe myself (neutrally) as not beautiful, people would pity me, or want to reassure me"
I know you said at the beginning you were conflating beauty and attractiveness in the essay, so you did give warning. I just felt as I was reading that you did make insightful distinctions to the point where I would have expected you to express those 2 points slightly differently, more in line with the distinctions and insights you have given over in this essay.
I enjoyed this a lot.
>>it shouldn’t make people treat you really differently, or cause you to have a wildly different experience in life.
I am surprised by the above comment. As you made the case in your essay, a woman who is conventionally hot has a very different experience than a woman who is beautiful to her adoring husband. I'm not sure what you mean by it "shouldn't" make people treat you differently or "cause" you to have wildly different experience in life. Obviously it just does, the same way that I as a very short person have a wildly different life experience than someone who is very tall.
Another question I have is about your use of the word "unattractive" in the sentence "But it feels like if I were to describe myself (neutrally) as unattractive, people would pity me, or want to reassure me, or feel uncomfortable, or something."
You later on state in the essay: "People’s aesthetic and sexual preferences vary a LOT. Whatever you look like, someone out there will be super into you physically. And lots of people are capable of being attracted to or charmed by non-physical features"
To me that is the definition of attractive. That one can attract sexual interest. So personally I would hedge the word attractive in some way. Like it seems I can understand the sentence the same way had you said "if I were to describe myself (neutrally) as not beautiful, people would pity me, or want to reassure me"
I know you said at the beginning you were conflating beauty and attractiveness in the essay, so you did give warning. I just felt as I was reading that you did make insightful distinctions to the point where I would have expected you to express those 2 points slightly differently, more in line with the distinctions and insights you have given over in this essay.
Thanks for the interesting read!